I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
