3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
