I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
