just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
