yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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