The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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