My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
