I wish I could teleport
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
