____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
