i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
