Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sext me about skeletons
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
