before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
