I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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