So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize