ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
