fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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