Betty ford says i'm here all night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
