I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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