The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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