God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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