Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize