I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
