That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
