Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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