I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
