He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
