OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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