I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize