I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
