How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
