rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
