Did you just see the Batmobile???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
