she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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