i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
