Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
