Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
