After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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