She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
