wrigley field is MILF paradise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
