I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its not stalking. its research.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
