I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
