took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
