there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
