Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
