i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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