Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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