I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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