Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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