Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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