It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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