Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cut my penus on the lid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
