cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
