Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize