1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
