the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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