y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
