i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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