My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
