My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
