if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
