That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
