know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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