dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am mentally ready for anal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
