she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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