I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
