the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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