I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
