sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
