he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
