if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
