I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
