He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How external is "for external use only"?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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