she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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