apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
