Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
