guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize